Two months ago I developed pains in my arm and then my left hand became paralyzed. After multiple doctor visits and an MRI, I was diagnosed with a pinched nerve and collapsing discs. Last week I had neck surgery at Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital. Four discs in my neck were replaced (with fake ones!) then a spinal fusion. It’s a painful procedure to heal from, but I was only in the hospital for three days and am recuperating at home. Bill has been an incredible nurse.
I’m in a neck brace that encircles my head and keeps my chin lifted skyward. I’m in it 23 hours/day. I have to sleep in it, which has been a difficult adjustment. (Oddly, at night, I think of my mom who slept throughout the 1960s and ’70s with a head full of rollers.) I see my surgeon again next week for X-rays of my neck vertebrae and skull to verify that healing is going as planned. When my friends ask about this upcoming appointment, I tell them I’m having my head examined. None of them express surprise.
The hand paralysis has been the most significant change to my daily life. It’s very difficult to type on my laptop. My right hand flies but I can only form a single finger on my left hand. You can imagine the editing that’s required; it has made my working life burdensome. The surgeon says it may take eight weeks or longer for my hand function to return.
The worst part has been the inability to play the piano. It’s an activity I do daily, and have for years. Because I had to figure out a workaround, I started playing the bass with a single finger while my right hand played the treble. Here’s a video of me playing “Stormy Weather” using this technique:
If all goes well, the brace comes off in early May. I will continue to get X-rays every 90 days for the next year. I stopped taking the pain meds after a week — I have enough senior moments as it is, and don’t need the mental fuzz of narcotics. Now I’m only taking Tylenol, which mostly handles the discomfort. The rest of the time I just suck it up.
I haven’t been in the hospital for surgery since 1989 when I fell and broke my ankle. (I was in an elevator at the time; don’t ask.)
Being in the hospital — and the vulnerability of pain and procedures — brings to mind the fragility of this time of my life. I’m a robust guy usually. But in times like these, I feel the senior years I’ve struggled to accept. I’ve lived my boy-self, and my teen-self, and my adult-self, and my middle-aged self… and now I’m living my years as an aging man.
The part no one really explains about aging is that the You inside is much the same person as when you were younger. I don’t remember anyone ever explaining that (or if they did, I wasn’t listening.) When I was a child and teen, it never occurred to me that the old people around me — the aunts and uncles, the grandparents, the old people at church — had at one time been young… and that Young Person was still who they were. Those old people weren’t that different from me at all.
This idea would have shocked my boy-self, but it completely delights this current old man.
Bart Rawlinson 
Hello friend. As always, thank you for sharing. I am sending you good vibes and know you’ll push through this in true Rawlinson form.
Little consolation, but your 6-finger Stormy Weather sounds 60 times better than my 10-finger She’ll Be Comin’ ‘Round the Mountain, last played at about age eight, so, y’know, just a couple of decades ago.
Mwah,
JP
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I just had a notion that something has been up! Sorry about this health struggle! Thankful you are handling it so well! How wonderful to sit and hear you lovely piano again. I think the bass part is great and lends itself very well to the one finger! Wow! I can’t imagine still working and dealing with such a debilitating condition! Sending much love and healing thoughts!
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Dear Bart,
Very glad you had the surgery – even though you forgot to book a pre-surgical consult with Doctor Wagner!
Read your post and the comments on recovery and aging are spot-on and Watched One Hand Playing this sunny Marin morning with birds chirping along! Will be humming the tune all day long!
Sending you love and a wishing well of speedy recovery wishes. Love to Bill!
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Oh, so disturbing to hear of this huge ordeal and yet delivered with such pizazz and playing the piano! Still glad to get to read your work here again, Bart. And just for the record, I don’t believe “old” begins for another couple of decades. That’s what I always told my mom, and I’m sticking to it. 😉
Thank you again! Take good good care. And may all heal exactly as planned!
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Oh Bart, thank you for this. I’ve shared it to my only social media, Facebook, and hope that at least those 20 who commented on my hair color will enjoy your post, that incredible photo of you at the stove, and your fulfilling rendition of “Stormy Weather.” I admire you and am inspired by you. So glad to have shared moments in the past and hope we keep aging together in friendship and learning and creating. Love you.
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Oh Bart, fantastic. You certainly made me feel like a whiner about my pains and inflammations. Major surgery IS no excuse not to cook, and I have found cooking to be my relaxation and solace, for everything, no matter what. I shared your “Sound of One Hand Playing” to my Facebook page which is the only social media I’m on. About 20 people comments on my hair color so I hope at least that many will read your piece and listen to you play “Stormy Weather.” Love from Jennielicious
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6 fingers , 10 fingers, it’s all beautiful music to me ! Do not fret, once you are feeling better , you will feel younger again ! G.
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Your piano concert was a joy to behold! It seemed by design for that one-finger bass.
Keep keeping on, my friend! I’m glad you’re on the path to recovery and seem to have your spirits up.
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Great insight into aging, Bart! Your resilience, (cooking the day after), creativity, (piano workaround), and all around good humor are strong evidence that our humanity is timeless. Keep it up young man!
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Bart,
I have loved and cherished each phase you have gallantly lived since meeting you in the late 80’s.
This is the most difficult news to learn about your changed health. And the procedures ahead to bring you back to your fun-loving self (the one I know best).
We will be in Petaluma in two weeks. It will be good to lay eyes and hands on you if you and Bill are up for a visit.
much love my friend,
Tom & Dave
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